When I look back now on losing my son I feel a profound sadness. Sadness at the loss of such a special, loving, bright young man. Sadness that I will not see him grow up completely with a career and family of his own. I don't dwell on the sadness any longer but it is still there and will always be there. Some days it engulfs me but not as many as before. I function now, I work, I cook and clean and do everything I did before that fateful day in October. I miss him daily and think about him every day. But I move forward and know that is what I have to do. But the sadness is still there lying ever so slightly beneath the surface. I wonder if he is watching down over me. Sometimes I get a sign or two that let me know he is around. I hope they are not coincidences. I pray he is at peace and in God's heaven. I pray he will be waiting for me when it's my time to leave earth. I pray God keeps me strong enough each day to keep moving forward and living the life I was ment to live. It has been almost 6-1/2 years since the day my new life began. That is how I think about it, the day my new normal began. I can tell anyone out there grieving that you will get use to your new normal. It will take time and how long it takes is not the same for each of us. Take all the time you need. You will know when you are ready to move forward. So I may not blog here much anymore because the hurt is healing. And that is a good thing. If anyone needs to talk I am always an email away and will be here to help anyone needing support. Peace & Love to all, Annette

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

As you go through your weekend remember everyone is fighting some kind of battle so be kind to all you meet. "Kindness is Free". And if you are having a hard time making it through another day know that God is the constant, he is always by your side helping you through the challenges of life. Never give up hope that tomorrow will be better.


Have a great weekend everybody!

Love & Peace to all---Annette

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

All I want is a little peace!

 Looking back on my life it has been one messed up ride. It looked like the American dream at the beginning but my dad had a terrible temper and snapped if you looked at him wrong. My mom was not a saint but she tried to make my life better. She had a temper too and didn't like to take his crap so there was allot of yelling and screaming going on all the time. I use to cling to my pillow at night and tell myself if I just was better than maybe they wouldn't fight so much. I know now that it had nothing to do with me but as a young child it was a nightmare.

That was the first 8 years of my life, my life before my dad tried to throw my mom down a flight of stairs and she took me and we left. It was 1965 and we were a catholic family and divorce was unheard of in those days especially for the catholics. My mom came from a strict Italian family and my dad was from Austrian/Hungarian descent. My grandparents on both sides came from Europe. Staying married was a fact, there was no other option. That is until my mom broke the mold. She kept saying all my dad had to do was ask us to come home and we would go. What she didn't tell me, because I was 8 years old was that he also had to give up the woman he was having a affair with. She and her husband were my parents best friends at the time. Some friends huh?

If I tell you this whole story you will think I am making it up. It is so bizarre. I think I will tell the whole story but in stages. Today will be the first stage.

So we are living at my Grama's house. She couldn't have been kinder to me. The problem was that I was a bit spoiled, and I went from a 3 bedroom ranch home on an acre of land out in the country to a two story double in the city with my aunt, uncle and two cousins living upstairs. My mom and I had to share a room. One room for the both of us. Ugh! Can you imagine the shock of that? So when she kept saying we would go back if he asked us to, I thought it was a temporary thing. But that was not the case. The fighting ensued and just got worse. He threatened my mom and my uncles stepped in to protect her. He was hostile and she was mad as hell and wanted him to pay for his indiscretion and whatever property/stuff she could get at the time. It was hell on earth and I was in the middle. I listened to him bitch and then I listened to my mom and her family bitch and it was not an easy time at all. I loved both my parents and just wanted it back to the way it was. So when I say "All I want is a little peace" I mean it.

There is allot more to this story and I will continue it in the coming months but for today I just wanted each and everyone of you to look for some peace. Find that peaceful spot/time/moment and embrace it. Take hold and keep it as long as you can. Life is a precious gift and can change in an instant. Look at the innocent people watching a movie last week in Colorado. More families grieving the loss of loved ones, brothers, sisters, children. This world is a huge, sad mess. So find your peace today. Grab it, hold it and cherish every moment.
Love & Peace to all---Annette

Check out my friend Todd's blog for lessons on living a life interrupted.
http://a-life-interrupted.blogspot.com/

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

"Be a good listener. Your ears will never get you in trouble". Frank Tyger

How often do we quiet the voices in our heads and really listen when people are talking to us? Do you ask someone how they are and then really listen to their answer? In my line of work I am constantly listening to what people are saying and really listening is something I always find myself working on.

When Ben died I didn't really want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone. But you know what, there were people in my life that left me alone and at the same time quietly nudged me along so that when I was ready to talk they were there. And even though I was in an extremely depressed state I still knew who I could talk to when I was ready. And I did talk to them and they listened. It was a part of my healing and so appreciated then and now.

Remember that when someone is grieving they need time to process their grief. You can gently nudge them along by letting them know that when they are ready to talk you will be there. And next time you have a conversation with someone be present and focus on what they are saying. Being a good listener is one of the best gifts we can give one another.

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

Thank God it's Friday. As you go through your weekend think about this:

"KINDNESS IS FREE"

Let's spread it around and make this world a nicer place.

Remember I am here for you so if you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

I saw this quote today on facebook. It was posted by a friend that has had some challenges in life but he keeps moving forward. I just wanted to share it with all of you. Wouldn't life be better if we all could do this?

"Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror".

I think so. How about you?

If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.

A loss of any kind just plain sucks!

Last week I lost my cat Chatter. I know what your thinking, "it was a cat". But like most people's pets Chatter was more than a cat. He was my friend, my buddy. He was a connection to Ben. He was born to Matty. She was a cat that Keri talked me into taking after our neighbors said they could no longer keep her. She roamed the neighborhood and was a really nice cat. And little did I know she was pregnant. A few weeks later out come three little kitties. All three were different. One was white with black spots which we named "Moo" cause she looked like a cow. Then there was the common tabby who Keri while painting her nails came up with the name "Pinky". The third was a little different, part main coon and part tabby but real furry like a main coon. I knew from the start we would be keeping him. He was sweet right from the beginning. He couldn't meow and you could not hear him purr. His meow sounded like a caw and you only knew he was purring when you held him close and felt it. His name didn't come to us easy. We tried for days to think of a good name. One day Ben was standing at the kitchen table (I have no idea why I remember that) and he said he had the perfect name. He said "we should name him Chatter cause he can't meow". As soon as he said Chatter I knew we had his name. Now I know it's stupid to feel this as a connection to Ben, but I do. I feel like I lost something when Chatter died. Another connection to something Ben and I shared together. We all loved that cat and he loved us right back. We talked to him like a person. One of my last memories of Ben is him walking in the door and looking down at Chatter and saying "hi Chat, how you doing?" And of course Chatter cawed back at him as if to answer. I love those memories. I need them to survive. Chatter died in my arms after 15 years of unconditional love. I still look for him when I come home from work. I wait for him to come running to me. I wonder when I will get it and stop looking. But then it's been almost six years and I still look for signs from Ben. Losing someone---we never get over it, it never goes away, we just get use to it. It's not time that makes it easier, it's our magnificent brains that take over and help us cope. And then there is hope, the hope for a better tomorrow, a better future and a chance to again meet up with the people (and animals) we love.

Love & Peace---Annette

P.S. Thanks to Linda at www.talktherapybiz.com. Today she got me thinking about hope. Check out her blog, it's a good one.

If you want to join me on this journey just scroll over to the right and subscribe to my blog. If you know someone who might need help dealing with their grief please share my blog with them.